Bad Date Story: What a Putz!
-or-
What NOT to Do on a Date.

By- Pearl Price

It started innocently enough. His email said he'd seen my profile at TSGirlfriend. He knew I was looking for a LTR (marriage, actually, but why quibble? <g>), but he'd be in town for one night and was "looking to go out with someone. no expectations except for see some of the town and enjoy good company." (sic)

Usually, I like to talk with a man via email and phone calls for a bit before meeting him in person. He said he was a co-pilot with a reputable airline, so he should be OK, right? After all, what self-respecting large corporation would hire an idiot? Besides, it was only one evening, no big expectations, and he's definitely outside my "fishing hole" (more than 10 years younger/older than me). Then, too, I needed to get out of the house! So I figured, why not?

Bad date story begins with an email

I wrote and asked what his plans might be so I would know how to dress. "Casual dining, casual dress," was his response. Now, I'm figuring Appleby's and slacks with a sport shirt. So I wear a nice dress, sweater, and heels, do my hair and fix my face. I found myself really looking forward to a nice evening out -- a nice dinner, maybe a walk along the river downtown, maybe even drinks and dancing. By the time I was ready to leave, I was really jazzed about the evening.

Since he was only in town one night, he hadn't bothered to rent a car. Hmmm? OK, I can understand that; I'll just pick him up at the hotel lobby. I had been sure to tell him I'd meet him in the lobby. No way I'm going to meet some guy in his hotel room; I'm not that kind of girl!

What not to do on a date: Dress in sweats

He's dressed in sweats! Is he serious? Casual, shmasual, that's "working on the car" clothes! Heck, I'm here now. He says hi, nods his head at me, and walks out to the car expecting me to follow. OK, maybe he's just tired. We get in the car and try to figure out where to go while we're moving. He tells me he wants to stay close to the hotel (well, the river walk's out), so I tell him what restaurants are close and he chooses Mimi's. Ok, that's a nice place -- good food, nice atmosphere -- maybe the night will turn out OK.

At the restaurant, I have to wait until he figures out he should open the door -- not a good sign. I look around while he puts our names on the list. Suddenly he turns to me, "Would you like to sit at the bar?" Oh, drinks before dinner! I'll give him the point back. Wrong! He plunks his butt down on a chair and asks for menus! As we're ordering he says, "Oh, you don't mind going dutch, go you? I always go dutch until I decide whether I like the girl."

It's all I can do to keep my jaw from dropping! He invites me to dinner and wants me to pay my own way? And he tells me NOW? Good grief! Now my pride kicks in. If he doesn't think I'm good enough company to at least buy my dinner, then I don't want his damned money! It's only $15 including tip, but I'm on a very fixed income, and this is a big hit to my budget. But damn him, I wouldn't take his money now! And I'm here; to leave would be rude and he'd be stranded -- and I'm better than that! Besides, the evening couldn't get any worse, could it?

Such a question! I should know better.

Next bad date story item: Be loud and overheard

Sitting at the bar, there's precious little space between people. So why does he insist on using such a loud voice talking about me as a transsexual? Oi! Nisht gut! If he read my profile, then he knows I am very, VERY woodworked. No one knows unless they need to know. So this guy five inches from my elbow needs to know? I gently ask him to keep it down.

We continue to talk. I ask him what he finds attractive about us (that always tells me a lot about a guy). He proceeds to tell me, among other things, about an ad he placed looking for "a TV or TS who wants to suck my c**k." Again, I almost drop my jaw! He would actually use this word to my face? What kind of woman does he think I am?

OK, there's a sweet spot here. He tells me some woman he knows in town has told him about The Mercantile and that "all the TS girls go there." I told him I didn't. When he asked why, I said, "That's a gay bar and I'm straight. Why go salmon fishing in a crawfish hole?"

What not to do on a date: Take a straight TS to a gay bar

He wolfs down his dinner and…actually, that's a good image of him since he was sitting there with his arms around his plate as if to prevent someone from taking it away, like a wolf! Oi! As I hurry through the rest of a delicious salmon, he keeps looking at the bill. OK, I can take a hint. I pull out a $20 and make sure I ask him for $5 back. By this time I don't trust him to do anything right. We get up and walk to the door. This time I wait for a full five seconds while he turns, looks at me quizzically, then it dawns on him to open the door. On the way to the car, he yawns and says he wants to go back to the hotel. I couldn't agree more!

For THIS I shaved my legs?

It started innocently enough. But then, most disasters do!

Next bad date story item: The analysis

As I thought about this (we gals usually do), I figured one or more things were probably true.

• He is gay and doesn't want to admit it.
• He thinks I'M a gay man. (This one makes we want to slap him silly!)
• He has no clue I'm upset or why I should be.
• He's just a putz!

Now my Momma raised me to always try to think the best of people and if there's a difficulty, maybe there's a reason for it that I don't know. Like when the boss has kvetched all day and it turns out he had a nasty argument with his wife that morning. So I'll assume he's clueless.

Basically, the twit treated me like some guy! What a horrible insult! Since we were born with the birth defect of having that thing down there, people often try to make us prove our womanhood. It gets awfully old!

What not to do on a date: Treat her like a guy

Think about it. He asks me to dinner and an evening out, saying he wants "good company." Then he acts like I'm some buddy. He shows up in sweats. He seats us at a bar (I guess I'm lucky it wasn't a sports bar and I'd have to watch two guys beat each other up in some ring). Then he expects me to pay for my own meal. He shows me incredible disrespect by talking loudly about my history -- in some places that could get a person beat up or even killed (see "Remembering our Dead" www.gender.org/remember/). He uses crude language -- to my face! Then it's "gotta go!" -- no talking or anything.

Remember, guys, WE ARE WOMEN! We are NOT flipping guys! We are not your bar buddies. We don't want to hear your crude talk. We don't expect to be told we have to pay our own way until we prove our worth! We expect you to honor our needs, including that to privacy. Now if you're dating someone who's "out and proud," I suppose it'd be OK to talk openly about her history, but not all of us are "out and proud." Most of us just want to live quietly, to be just another woman. Would you do any of this to any genetic woman?

Next bad date story item: Have no manners

Now I'm no prude, Pollyanna, or Miss Manners. And I've never, EVER used and abused a man or his wallet! But there is such a thing as manners! I am a lady and I want to date gentlemen.

I'm not saying you need to show up in a limo and a tux with two dozen long-stemmed roses in your hands. (Not that I would argue if you did, but…). So what do we want?

It's pretty simple, really. Show us you respect us and think we're special to you. Show us you think enough of us to have planned a nice evening for us. We're looking forward to spending time with you. We've already put a lot of thought and energy into looking nice for you and wondering what nice things are in store for us. Will it be dinner and a movie? A romantic walk? Dancing and drinks at a nice club? You can discuss it with us first or surprise us, but the guy leads the dance. You shouldn't walk all over us, but please have a plan.

What not to do on a date: Don't have a plan

Again, little things mean a lot. Stopping by the market for a bouquet really gets our attention. Open doors for us. Help us in and out of our coats. Please use simple manners at the table, like your mother taught you. Above all, TALK with us. There's an old saying that men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears. Take advantage of that. We're interested in you or we wouldn't have gone out with you. We want to know what makes you tick. And, um, we really don't want to hear about the ex who ran around on you, took all your money, and god knows what else! We're not the person who hurt you!

MichaelTSG says guys want to know the payoff. OK, here it is. Unfortunately, gentlemen seem to be an endangered species these days. So if you act like a gentleman and treat your date as a lady, you will really stand out from the rest. A lot of times we get the message that we're not smart enough, or skinny enough, or sexy enough, or [__fill in the blank__] enough. Not all men do that, but enough do that it's discouraging. A man who treats me with respect, with honor, who shows me he's interested in the whole me, really gets my attention! And makes me want to go out with him again. Maybe, just maybe, he'll turn out to be "the one."

The bad date story ends: Slapped via the network

Oh, and guys? We women tend to network. The day after this disaster of a date I sent an email to all the local TS women I know, and even to the local gender group, which picked up the TVs and DQs as well. I told them the name of this idiot and exactly what he did. Why should anyone else suffer his nonsense? I want him to be an oysvorf, an outcast -- as unwelcome as Osama bin Laden at a B'nai Brith meeting!


Email the editor: Tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Copyright 2005, by the author, all publication rights reserved.

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The topic of this page is a bad date story titled: What a Putz! The Story of What Not to do on a Date.