The Great Boyfriend: TS Girls, Admirers, & Regular Guys, a TS Chatroom Survey.
When it comes to getting a great boyfriend in the transsexual community, there is a complicating factor. It is the so-called "admirer." Are admirers men that TS girls will find to be relationship material? Indeed what, exactly, is an admirer?
In our TS chatroom, I conducted a survey to explore the issue.
In a club, an admirer is usually the guy with a drink in his hand, who hangs around on the edge, looking at the TS girls. Moreover, are all men who like TS's "admirers"?
I talked with several TS girls and it turns out there are specific characteristics that define an admirer.
But first, let's consider what women admire in a man, so the differences are clear. Usually, it's confidence that women are attracted to. In TS chatroom surveys, I have found that most TS girls don't consider admirers to be confident males.
"He's not secure in himself," said one girl, talking about one guy in particular, as well as other admirers in general. Others agreed that the admirer is a guy who loiters on the periphery of the transsexual community, fascinated by what he sees, but unwilling to act on his desires. The admirer typically observes from a distance. He is not prone to treating a TS the same way he would a natural woman, perhaps fearful of how others will react if it is discovered that his girl is TS.
"An admirer is a guy who is willing to meet you in the next town, for fear someone he knows will see him with you," said another TS.
"The admirer is like a window shopper, always looking but never buying," said one girl.
"He will not make a commitment," agreed another.
Does the admirer ever ask a TS girl out? Sometimes yes. Apparently in a lot of cases, say the ladies, he stands her up, ticking her off and wasting her evening. Admirers, apparently, usually have great trouble with the follow-through.
He lives in a surreal world of his own making and apparently doesn't want to deal with the realities of a transsexual woman. He doesn't want to think about what it means to be transsexual, a girl's motivation to transition from male to female, the problems she has as a result of being TS, what kind of man she wants, and how she thinks of herself.
Not great boyfriend material, in the eyes of most TS girls, apparently.
"I'm a woman, want me for who I am," said one of the TS girls in our chatroom.
That appears to be a central point in the relationship dynamic in the transsexual community. The admirer focuses on the TS as an erotic fantasy, a feminine appearance that comes equipped with a penis. The penis is central to her appeal to the typical admirer, our TS girls say. As one pointed out, an admirer is definitely not someone looking for a girl who has had, or plans to have, sexual reassignment surgery.
"I believe that guys like being with a pre-op because they can explore what it's like with another penis, and justify it because she looks like a woman," said one TS. "And then they don't feel guilt or shame."
Another observed, "If I wanted to have sex as a man, I would have remained a man and saved myself a helluva lot of money and heartache."
Interestingly, one girl pointed out that costuming, makeup and wigs are an attraction for most admirers. She noted that admirers she's known have no interest at all in a transsexual woman who is visually indistinguishable from a natural female.
"Most guys think we are a TS for the sex and sensuality, but it has nothing to do with that, it's about the personality," complained one girl.
Fundamental to understanding the transsexual woman is to get past the idea that she enjoys being a sexual curiosity, a girl with a penis. Even those TS's who don't plan to have SRS regard that protruding object between their legs as a kind of foreign appendage. The TS has the soul of a WOMAN. If she is heterosexual, she typically wants a man who wants a woman. She is not looking for a man who wants to enjoy her penis.
"I can only speak for myself," observed one of our TS girls, "but I want the guy who wouldn't touch me there as a pre-op but who couldn't wait to touch me there as a post-op."
Confidence is mainly what separates the admirer from the regular guy. The willingness to treat the girl as a woman, not as a sexual curiosity to be played with only in a dark corner, out of view. The potential boyfriend is confident in his sexuality, is willing to show up for a date, is willing to be seen with her in public and around his friends and/or family.
In other words, he acts like any normal, regular guy would.
Which is precisely how a real TS woman wants a guy to behave.
How might TS girls sort out regular guys from typical admirers? The simple test is accessibility. Does he give you a phone number that works? Can you call him at home? Will he meet you at Starbucks for coffee?
A quick Starbucks date could, in fact, save time and some frustration. Why risk getting all dressed up and blowing a whole Saturday night for someone who might chicken out? For that first date, and as a simple but effective test, it might be more practical to risk just an hour in the afternoon instead.
After all, TS girls have to deal with more than their share of flakes. Genetic girls (GG's) don't have legions of stand-offish men lusting after them, who will only prove willing to admire from a distance, or willing to be with them only out of the view of others.
The bottom line in finding a great boyfriend?
If you're an admirer, get used to the idea that TS women seeking a relationship don't want you. If you want to play with a dick on a person with boobs, hire an escort or become a sugar daddy.
If you're a man exhibiting admirer behavior but this really isn't how you are, then you now know what not to do if you wish to be someone's great boyfriend.
If you're a girl just beginning your transition, admirers are not great boyfriend material.
If you're a regular guy, a confident male who can treat a TS like you would any woman, then don't let anybody call you an "admirer," because you're not.
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The topic of this page is the Great Boyfriend, Admirers, Regular Guys and TS Girls, a TS Chatroom Survey.