The Pre-Op TS in the Boyfriend Hunt.
The pre-op TS in the boyfriend hunt is the topic of this article.
Finding a good relationship is tough for a woman. It's tougher for a post-op transsexual, and toughest of all for a pre-op TS. "Men are pigs!" goes the refrain. "They all think with their little head." It's the ancient complaint by the female. The bad news is, the accusation is largely true. The good news for the pre-op TS is, the guy of your dreams might well be in that crowd.
The pre-op TS who will immediately reject men she suspects of sexual motivation is likely making a tactical error. Men are pigs. Men are sexual hunters. It is their nature. Men are NOT the civilizing influence throughout history. Men are hunters and killers; they are all about conquest and control. The WOMEN are the civilizing influence because they are nesters and nurturers. After all, which gender has greater representation in prison?
Some men are able to present an aura of sophistication, taste and class, but don't let it fool you. Change the circumstances of the encounter and Mr. Sophistication becomes Mr. Pig. The charming and suave fellow you thought you knew meets some little trollop in a bar and 10 minutes later is in the parking lot getting a raunchy blowjob. Most any woman who finds out about that will cite the ancient complaint: "They all think with their little head!"
So? Deal with it. Men are men.
The Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde situation.
The pre-op TS in the boyfriend hunt needs to understand there is a flip side to the situation described above. If Mr. Sophistication can become Mr. Pig with a mere change of circumstance, then it stands to reason that Mr. Pig can also become Mr. Sophistication. It is my belief that both demeanors are found in most men. Which side a girl sees initially largely depends on how he views the woman.
It's not just the pre-op TS and post-op TS that have problems with men making wanton come-ons. It's been a hassle for genetic women since the dawn of history. The pre-op TS should understand that the average guy has only had exposure to transsexuals via the porn industry. Even if he's met a pre-op TS in his daily life, the chances are he's unaware of it. After all, the transsexual with the sensibilities of a woman does not advertise that she's TS.
The chances are excellent he thinks any TS is willing to limit conversation to five minutes, then it's off to the bedroom.
Why they act the way they do.
His perceptions of the pre-op TS are initially created by the porn business and "escorts" who capitalize on those perceptions. Therefore men tend to approach TS's as though they are sluts. In most cases, it probably never occurs to them to treat the TS as they would any ordinary woman. In short, it's necessary to change those perceptions.
The pre-op TS faces
a serious challenge in finding a boyfriend. The pool of candidates for
GG's is huge. The pool is smaller for the post-op TS; after all, fewer
men will accept being with a post-op than a GG. The pre-op TS has the
smallest pool of available candidates. It's unfortunate but true.
In her case, my recommendation was to relocate to an area with a substantially larger pool of boyfriend candidates to meet. For her, the logistics were problematical, but the truth of the matter is self evident. A pre-op TS is unlikely to find a boyfriend in an area where there are few or no boyfriend candidates.
The pool of boyfriend candidates.
The pre-op TS in search of a boyfriend can also reexamine the pool of men who contact her. Like dogs, men can be trained. That a dog humps a girl's leg on first contact doesn't mean he can't pass obedience school. Remember, it is the woman who has had the civilizing role throughout history. In the case of such men, the key is letting them get to know and respect you. You want them to get past the porn business shemale caricature to discover the real you.
To succeed at this, they do need to be able to see the real you. You cannot give them the impression that you are a slut. You also don't want them to think you're Miss Super Bitch. Understand that the guy is probably not really a completely insensitive lout, he is a sexual male (usually a good thing) with a perception problem. The solution isn't to shoot the poor schmuck, satisfying as that might be to you. The solution is to communicate your class and disapproval of his approach. By doing so, you accomplish two things:
If you can accomplish that with a sense of humor, so much the better.
"VenomousAngel" on AOL is using an approach that works. She has run a link from her profile to her AOL Hometown page, and the Hometown page has only one thing on it: A notice for guys to read our TSgirlfriend.com website. She reports "phenomenal success" with achieving quality inquiries. I take that as proof "dogs" can be trained.
Are you attracted?
Should you, the pre-op TS, find a man attractive in some way, ask him about himself. His job, interests, the funniest thing he heard or saw in the last month. Don't merely respond to his questions or comments about you. Take the initiative! After all, it is YOU who is in the boyfriend hunt. Find out about HIM. Can he hold up his end of a conversation? Does he have a sense of humor? Remember, you can also start a conversation. There isn't any rule that says you have to wait to be approached. A TS club, or an online chat, are probably the ideal places to do that.
The pre-op TS in search of a boyfriend, particularly, needs to be willing to tolerate ignorant come-ons. It is a search through the menagerie of leg-humping dogs to discover an interesting dog whom you can "civilize." Be a little bit receptive, show some class, show some humor. If you can get him past his initial expectations of what a TS is, you might well find someone special.
Then again, the pre-op TS might get lucky and hook up with a great guy in person, or online. Just remember, there will come a time when you accuse him of being a pig. After all, it is the nature of the female to see men that way.
The girlfriend's view.
My girlfriend, upon reviewing this piece, said that "You have a lot more faith in men than I do. Showing them class will not change them, trust me. Decent guys will (be revealed) very quickly, at least to me. Why waste your time on a pig? Waste your time on the ones who approach you like a human being, not a fuck toy. The more chance they will turn out to be a good guy, I think." She also said that men come on to TS's in ways they would never approach a GG.
I agree. But in this article I tried to get to the "why" of that. Men don't generally approach genetic women in rude and crude ways because they KNOW women in real life. They have been trained from little boys to be respectful of females. Most men have never met someone whom they know is a TS; their only exposure is via the porn business, and they act accordingly. Handled correctly, I believe men can learn to be respectful of the pre-op TS. She and I have to agree to disagree.
I reserve all publication rights on this article, but feel free to forward it to anyone you like. Copyright 2003, all publication rights reserved.
The topic of this page is the Pre-Op TS in the Boyfriend Hunt.