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Stood Up on a Date: It's Not a Good Feeling.


Too many times, you've heard the stories of women (especially transsexual women) who have been stood up on dates by men. Many of us on this website also should know that men also get stood up on dates by women, regardless of whether she was born male or female. Being stood up on a date is not a good feeling at all.

Guys, I'm sure this has happened to you as well. You meet a transsexual woman in your home town online. You chat for a period of time, exchange email addresses and even phone numbers before you set up a date to meet. You commit to meeting this person, even to the point of showing up at the time and place you mutually agreed to. You wait a while, but the woman you're supposed to meet does not show up.

Once you realize that she is not going to show, you get up and leave. She doesn't give you a phone call, a text message or an email stating why she didn't show up, which makes you wonder why she bailed out on you before you ever had the chance to get to know one another. It's about time that we hear the man's side of being stood up.

What kind of behavior, do you think, is displayed when a transsexual woman stands a man up on a date? What does this say about how she is taught about men? And what does this say about a man's views on dating?

Her failure to notify you of her absence shows irresponsibility.

The most frustrating part of being stood up is not being notified by your intended date. Ladies, you should notify the man that you won't be meeting him at the time and place you agreed to. When you contact him, tell him honestly why you can't keep the date. Try to find another day and time, should you decide to reschedule.

Notifying the man is not only common courtesy, but it also shows him that you are responsible for your own actions. When you fail to notify the man, it indicates that you're irresponsible. It also shows a lack of common courtesy and consideration for his feelings. And it makes him look bad. He's simply not going to ask you on a date again.

Remember in Pearl Price's article that men could be "slapped by the Net"? The same thing can happen to a transsexual woman who stands up a man. How would you like it if you stood a guy up only to find that you're being "slapped by the Net" (in this case, a network of available men) for your actions? I don't think you'd like it one bit.

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What does such behavior say about her?

Being dishonest about the reasons why you stood him up is also inconsiderate. This kind of behavior says that she is not the kind of woman a guy would want to date (let alone establish a relationship with). She has also demonstrated that she is not to be trusted.

Before she even considers dating a man, a transsexual woman should be taught during her transitional period to be respectful of men and their feelings, and to be responsible for her own actions. And that would include canceling dates.

Most importantly, all transsexual women must be assured that NOT ALL men want them just for sexual purposes. These women should learn early on in the process of transitioning that some men out there want a woman as a potential dating partner (and possibly more).

What does this say about a man's views on dating?

Being stood up on a date can sour a man's view on dating, just as much as it does to women. Being stood up can make a man very cynical when it comes dating (let alone relationships). He may become increasingly critical of women (especially transsexual women) for such unacceptable behavior while dating. He may conclude that a search for that elusive girlfriend is not worth his time. He could end up viewing women just as negatively, if not more so, as those women who are stood up by men. If his views have been developed through years of being stood up on dates, then he should learn to do without the companionship of a woman.

What are my experiences with this subject?

Before 2002, I was mainly stood up on dates by genetic females, nearly all of whom were my age or older (I was in my 30s at the time). I had been far more successful with dating transsexual women prior to that time. I did not get stood up on a date by a transsexual woman until August, 2002. She was six years older than I was, and I thought that a woman in her early 40s (at the time) would be more responsible for her actions than one in her 20s.

I agreed to meet a post-op transsexual at a St. Louis coffeehouse known for its diverse clientele. It was a rather fall-like Saturday afternoon, and I arrived at the coffeehouse at 2pm. There, I waited for 45 minutes; at 2:45, I'd had enough. I got up and left. I checked my email when I got home; there was nothing.

About six months later, I set up another date, this time with a pre-op transsexual. She was in her early 30s at the time, and we planned to meet at a restaurant and bar she frequented, which was near a major shopping mall. Even though it was a bitterly cold night, I made it a point to be there at the appointed time and place. After 40 minutes, I got up and went home. She did show some responsibility by apologizing to me in an email. Unfortunately, I didn't hear from her again.

My trust in women, as far as dating was concerned, had been badly damaged. I had gotten so burned in this way by women that by the middle of 2010, I would not let one get near me. I made myself unavailable because I got stood up too much on dates. I have learned to make do without female companionship.

Let's lay down the rules.

The most important rule one should keep is not to wait more than an hour for a date to show up. If that hour has passed without her showing up, then get up and leave. An important rule for the ladies to keep is that if you decide to cancel the date, then you should notify the man at least 24 hours in advance.

Guys, you have exactly the same obligation to her. Don't be afraid to be honest about the reason why you will not be able to make your date! The more honest and responsible you are, the better off you're likely to be.

Copyright 2011, by the author, all publication rights reserved.

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The topic of this page is Being Stood Up on a Date: It's Not a Good Feeling.