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Does that mean you're obligated to open every door she encounters, every time, forever? Does that mean when you're leaving Nordstrom's while carrying bags and boxes, and she's only carrying her purse, that you need to also get the door for her? Not at all. It's simply a masculine gesture of consideration for your lady that you can perform to show her that she's special to you.
Flowers brighten a woman's life. The colors, the scent, they're great to look at, and very inexpensive. Furthermore, they last for days. Are you headed over to her house? Stop off at a florist's or at a supermarket, pick up something nice, take it to her. It doesn't need to be anything expensive. Flowers tell a woman you want to brighten up her day and that you care about her. That they last for days means they perform that mission for as long as they are there, and even longer as she remembers your gift.
When I visit my girlfriend, sometimes I bring flowers. I don't bring them every time by any means. I don't want to be predictable. Why? Because I want to surprise her. I am partial to carnations, I think they look great and smell terrific.
Like with any genetic women, T-girls love surprises. When I'm at a mall by myself, often I'll drop in at a department store to see what they have that she might appreciate. I've picked up things like scented bath soaps, bath sets (moisturizer, body wash, bubble bath in a tote bag), lighted makeup mirror, whatever I think she might appreciate. They don't have to be expensive. Oftentimes these items are on sale at department stores. And you don't even have to hassle with gift wrapping them.
One time, girlfriend and I were headed to a restaurant. I had one such bath kit stowed behind her car seat. We parked, I grabbed the bag. I opened the door to the place, handed her the bag and said, "Happy birthday." She looked at me, confused. "It's not my birthday," she said, peeking into the bag. I replied, "I know, but you have two of them and one of them is coming up soon."
(Two birthdays meaning her actual birthday, and the other is the day "she" was born when the name change became official.)
My T-girl was delighted. And every now and then I surprise her with something new. What does this tell her? That she's important to me.
Notes of endearment:
Yeah I know you don't want to say, "I love you." This isn't about what you don't want to say. I know you're thinking she probably knows that anyway, so what's the point of saying it? But your T-girl isn't like you. And if you don't want a screaming bitch on your hands, learn to accommodate her a bit. If you don't make her feel special and desired and appreciated and loved, then she is going to react accordingly.
Next time you're looking at a rack of office supplies, pick up some Post-It Notes. Write four notes. One sentence each. Tell her that she's important to you and why. For example, "Your smile makes me forget all the headaches from work." Each week, put one note in a place she's sure to find it. Her purse is one sure location. Four notes has you covered for a whole month. It'll take you all of five minutes, max. She'll find them and smile. Because you were thinking of her. That makes her feel special.
You're in the drug store and you see the greeting cards section. When was the last time you got her a card? Find one. Spend a couple of minutes on this. Read the sentiment. Don't grab a high school graduation card to say I love you. If you hate card picking and sentimental mush, hey go check out the funny ones. Find something you like that you think she could appreciate. THAT card reflects you on paper.
I read about some study that shows male anxiety levels spike when he goes shopping with his woman. Women (including T-girls) apparently have a shopping gene. Deal with it. She knows you don't want to go shopping with her, but if she wants you to go, she probably has a reason, so put up with it. Maybe your mission will be the heavy lifting.
But here's something. You want to shock the daylights out of her? Ask her if she wants to go shopping. There isn't any way she will say no. Back surgery may be scheduled for 1pm, but it will be put on hold, I assure you, if she gets an invitation to go shopping. Have something in mind to buy her. That will really blow her away.
All women, including T-girls, love restaurants. Dining out is a great way to spend time together. You get to talk over an enjoyable meal where someone else has to deal with cooking, serving and washing the dishes. The very act of taking her out is an act of consideration and love. You can go to some elegant restaurant all dressed up, or someplace casual. It can be an expensive night out, or not. What's really important isn't where you go or how much you spend. What's important is that you're with the lady you enjoy being with, you pay attention to each other and enjoy a great meal. My girlfriend and I go out about once a week.
If having drinks, one T-girl cautions, don't get drunk. Don't be more than one drink ahead of her. If she doesn't drink alcohol at all, don't have more than one drink.
(This section added October 1, 2006.) With my girlfriend and me, our official anniversary is the date of the first night we went out with each other, which was October 3, 2001. Which means out "fifth anniversary" was October 3, 2006. This is a significant milestone. I did not wish to present my T-girl with a store-bought card this time. This time, the occasion called for something special. So I did a Google search and found a company called CardNotes which will apply a photo to a card, the size of which you specify, and then you write the sentiment to go on the inside. If you wish, you can use their own stock images for the cover. I found the service to be very affordable (I only ordered two), and the quality was excellent.
The result? My T-girl completely broke down in tears. Happy tears. Understand that your T-girl wants to know that you love her. If you do, say so, and if you have the creativity to do it as I did, well, it will go over very well indeed! She told me she planned to take the card to work to show it to the girls, and you can believe they will be extremely impressed. You can do precisely the same thing.
This is an article for guys. Guys want to know about the payoff. At the beginning of this article are two paragraphs of summaries, things we know about women. Understand that they want to be loved and appreciated. If you are her man, then she wants to be loved and appreciated by you specifically. She wants to know that you care about her. She isn't going to pick that up by osmosis. You have to show her, you have to tell her, and you have to do it repeatedly.
When your T-girl is happy, she wants to please you and make you happy. She can't be happy and satisfied with you unless you give her the kind of feedback she needs. It's a two-way street.
Women, genetic or T-girls, don't think like men. She isn't your buddy, she's your lady. Her mind works differently, and her emotional makeup is different than yours. Bear in mind what's been written here and your life with your lady will be a happy one.
I reserve all publication rights on this article, but feel free to forward it to anyone you like. Copyright 2003, all publication rights reserved.
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