TGirls Letters - TGirl feedback to us

TGirls Letters - TGirl Feedback to Us

October, 2003

Our TGirls Letters section is devoted to feedback we receive. The most recent letters appear at the top.

WHERE TRANSSEXUALS LIVE & BREATHE
Subject: wow
Date: 10/28/2003 12:47:06 AM Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

I just found your site and all I can say is WOW! Your words spoke to me on so many levels.

I am 31, athletic and am a "suit." While i've had girlfriends, I have always had an attraction to transsexuals. they understand me and are nurturing. and I feel so close when I have been with them in the past. There is something special I feel.

I wanted to say thanks for creating such a brilliant site. Living in Los Angeles, I feel that far too often transsexuals are given bad press since many are hookers. I have not yet had much luck finding a special mate through dating services. If you are aware of where quality TS's live and breathe and are waiting for a young man like me, I would really appreciate any information.

--D.R.

NOT ALL MEN ARE SCOUNDRELS
Subject: Chatroom
Date: 10/25/2003 1:44:49 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Hello.

Can I ask where the chatroom is?

Also, I must say that the characterization of men given on the board may be a little bit unfair; many good-looking and intelligent men are very principled, moral and sensitive, but are either ingored by women because of this, and thus feel deprived and under-appreciated, or they learned to behave in a more direct fashion because women respond to it -- with actions if not words -- in which case women are equally to blame; if few women actually responded to male insensitivity (whatever they claim), it wouldn't be around for long; and I've often seen women go bonkers over guys who are obviously just being nice to get what they want, while openly mistreating other people: and women -- like men -- who expect special treatment, deserve whatever they get -- they are the only ones to blame. Not all men are jerks, but many women flock to the ones who are, and then blame the gender rather than the individual.

As result, such sensitive men are damned whether they do or don't, by the hypocrisy of the female community, while the remaining stereotyping of men is likewise undeserved. Likewise, while a man who is thus deprived of confidence and self-esteem due to such lacking female attention might be easily tempted by a "bar trollop," a man who is seriously committed to one person can easily focus all of his affection there.

Since TS women understand this from experience, I would think it would be doubly hypocritical for them to blame men, for simply coping with the pressures which they themselves avoided altogether via switching sides (not that this was a prime motivation, but the circumstance still exists, and they ought to be more sensitive to it).

-- Brian.

Brian's earlier E-mail:

THE POST-OP TS & DATING STRAIGHT MEN
Subj: Post-op
Date: 10/25/2003 12:56:26 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: TSnikkiLA@aol.com

Hello.

I am quite surprised that anyone would think that a post-op TS woman would receive fewer male dates; while this might be the perspective of a pre-op TS woman, who are naturally attracted to the male body and its "attributes," this is because they probably don't share a straight man's intense interest in the natural-looking female body and with straight sexual intercourse -- contrary to popular belief, most men do NOT prefer oral sex or anal intercourse over usual sexual intercourse, except for reasons of diversity -- which is the very reason for the exotic nature of these avenues, i.e. it is NOT the usual form of sexual expression; for most straight men, I believe, there is no substitute in terms of a sense of intimacy or excitement.

Likewise, straight men tend to be more visually and sexually stimulated than GG's, meaning that they're more likely to believe what their eyes tell them as opposed to what they know; as a result, a straight man is more likely to naturally desire a post-op TS woman over a pre-op, since he's going to want the look of a female body, regardless of what he knows intellectually about its history. As a result, most straight men definitely will prefer a post-op TS woman over a pre-op.

Again, I am quite surprised that anyone would imagine that most men would prefer a pre-op TS woman to post-op, and I really hope that this misconception is corrected immediately, since I would hate for any woman to remain pre-op for this reason. In fact, I am going to recommend that the site put up a survey to determine whether men would prefer pre-op or post-op TS women.

--Brian.

APPRECIATED FOR WHO THEY ARE
Subject: nice job
Date: 10/17/2003 12:39:34 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Hi. Just want to compliment your website. I thought it was very up-front and no holds barred. I wish I could help in any way I can, but you seem to have it down pat. Your comments to the girls and guys was very straight forward and to the point.

I know how hard it is for the girls in this lifestyle. I have dated many while living in Miami, and my heart goes out to them, they have more courage than I do, it seems. I'm not writing this as a sexist man, just a guy that thinks the transgendered world is wonderful. My dates have not been about sex, but that has come to pass. The girls want to know they are wanted, and feel love, to be talked to as a real person, and not as a porn queen. They are all so sweet and need all the friendship they can get. Thanks.

--Bird.

SUDDENLY AVAILABLE
Subject: Hello
Date: 10/8/2003 2:25:59 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Hi. I am a newly separated (undergoing separation actually) white male, 48 years old (I'd say it would be a terrible age to be getting a divorce but what age is a good age?)

Anyway, I have a couple of TS friends, one intends to remain pre-op and one is going to go under the knife next year after her facial surgery this past spring.

My intentions are honorable, I do know some TS girls but not very many of them. I would like to meet a nice girl and see if there is a spark of our personalities together. A simple dating arrangement. This is a nice and VERY informative site. Thank you for writing it.

--Tom L.

THE ENLIGHTENED ROGUE
Subject: TS
Date: 10/4/2003 6:00:05 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: TSgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Hi,

I just came across your website on dating transgendered women. I found your general tone about the subject as well as the general advice so dead on that it shocked me a bit.

I have seen much information on the subject in my many years and I was thrilled to see a man's perspective on this subject that had such basic fundamental truths. It is how you described it.

I was married to a wonderful man whom I lost earlier this year. I have been venturing out for socializing rarely. I have unpleasant memories of what the "TS" clubs were like years ago, you were either labeled a whore or a performer or both. Not necessarily bad things in themselves, but the choices were limited. Your options for male companionship were "johns" or junkies. I haven't been to one in ages. I fit much better into the general population but always still feel somewhat outside. The discussions of casual sex and pickups are lost on me. We must be careful who we speak to when meeting men. I am treated equally among my friends and their partners but there is always that longing for a true sense of community and sisterhood that I think as a TS woman I have never known.

I'm happy to see nowadays that there is an enlightened attitude surfacing. The dawn of a new age, in my mind. You are doing a great job here. I just wanted to say keep it up. You are helping many people you will never hear from.

You are the fine enlightened rogue, you have my thanks.

--Nikki.

CHATROOM USER NAME ISSUE
Subject: Issue about the TSGirlfriend Chat room
Date: 10/6/2003 12:13:42 AM Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

OK, first I tried Daddy Mojo as my handle, which is what most of my friends call me and the name of my nightclub, restaurant and lounge, but I was kicked. I assumed that "Daddy" was offensive (and I could have understood that). Moments later I entered using the name DMojo, this time I was asked to leave. Which I did after a few lines explaining what "mojo" means (magic spell), when it was first used in the English lexicon (1926, New Yorker magazine), when it was popularized (1960 Chess records "Mojo Working" by Muddy Waters) and more. But here's the rub -- Mojo is my real, authentic name. Legally I have had this name since 1996 (before Mike Myers). I am highly offended that an arrogant chatroom monitor was so ignorant to exclude someone just because she saw an Austin Powers movie. (Her words were something to the effect of "we all know what that means" -- which apparently she didn't).

I assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that this chat and site was an honorable site connecting good men with good women. After my experience, I am guessing not. Rather than learning something and getting to know me, the uneducated "gate-keeper" just shut the door and power tripped an otherwise eligible real man from your resource. No wonder many transgendered women have a hard time connecting with decent well-intentioned articulate intelligent men.

I know the fix to get into the chat room is to "use another name" -- but I think it's a little bit deceptive at this juncture. I am not malicious or wrong headed but I feel like I have been treated like some transgendered or gender-dysphoric individuals: I am being judged and shut out because of one person's ignorance and prejudice.

It really saddens me, because I was very excited about the education and information you present on your website. And I think I have a lot of information and resource to offer. My doctoral thesis related to sexual minorities and their role in community policing. As a matter of fact, based on my doctoral work I was able to secure a transgendered chair on the Portland (Oregon) Community Police Sexual Minority Roundtable. The result? We've educated many of the police officers on the street about transgendered issues and even helped re-write procedures that street cops use dealing with transgendered persons. Anyway, good luck with your ventures.

Thanks for letting me vent and reading my rant....

--Mojo (often Daddy Mojo or Doctor Mojo), Ph.D. (Psychology).

I was in the room when all this transpired. The simple fact of the matter is that many room visitors attempt to use the term "mojo" in a sexual sense. Its historical usage, or the manner in which you care to use it, is not relevant. If we allow it, then we communicate to others the term is acceptable in the room. It sets a precedent that we don't care to have to expend time and energy to defend. If that is the name you care to use, then feel free to use it...at AOL or Yahoo or whatever.

The Room Monitors are not arrogant, unsupervised power-trippers. We have an extensive document about what is and is not allowed and how Room Monitors are to enforce policy. I am the one in charge of all Room Monitors. I am sorry you don't approve of how we handled this issue. If you care to choose an ordinary name, you will be welcome to hang out in the room.

HE UNDERSTANDS NOW
Subject: article read...
Date: 10/2/2003 9:36:31 AM Pacific Standard Time
From: Deleted
To: tsgirlfriend4me@aol.com

Thank you for the insight on the transsexual lady. For years I Have wondered what I had done wrong when I was in love with a TS lady. She was really the light in my life but something went wrong while we were dating. All these years I had thought maybe it was the fact that I was American and she was German, when in fact I really never treated her as a whole woman with the wrong equipment.

I loved this woman and wanted to marry her but she broke it off since I didn't seem to be committed to her needs and was only concerned about me. I never understood this until now as I read your article.

Thanks for the enlightenment.

--Charley.

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